Self Forgiveness Book Excerpt
I am willing to forgive others and myself for all that has happened. I’m devoted to incorporating forgiveness into my everyday life and loving it. It’s mandatory!
Forgiveness of yourself for all that you’ve done and all that others have done to you is one of the most powerful acts you can perform. And, in the process of “Enjoying A Better You,” it is an absolute necessity, not an option. Self-forgiveness is accepting you are a human-being who has faults, makes mistakes and will continue to make mistakes as long as positive growth is part of your life-plan.
The simple truth of the matter is that we must let go of all pain inflicted by our past failures and errors, sorrows and regrets. The act of forgiving ourselves whenever we make what we deem to be critical personal choices, promotes, supports, and strengthens the love we have for ourselves. Thus enabling the love we have for others to be uncontaminated by negative feelings of any type generated in the past. Forgiveness reinforces the sacred shield around us and protects us from living lives that are counterproductive to the process of fulfillment, peace, harmony, and happiness. The nagging need to make amends for past experiences only feeds the past and provides it with the negative energy that is required for it to latch on and become our own personal judge, jury, and executioner. The continuous negative fortification of the combustible mixture of unresolved hurt, perpetual emotional pain, mounting misery and the cycle of self-destructive behaviors.
Eventually evolve into self-anger, self-hatred, self-blaming, fear of failure, fear of rejection, low self-esteem, disconnect with self-worth, distrust of self and others, defensiveness, and pure pessimism, grows into a pulsating blob of all-consuming pain. But, there is hope and healing for those who accept the challenge of “Enjoying A Better You” and incorporating Forgiveness into their everyday life. The challenge, mandates that we evoke the courage to forgive ourselves, the courage to step out of our comfort zones, the courage to do the right things, the courage to make better choices, and the courage to live rather than merely exist within the bowels of the past magnetic attraction to negativity of any type.
We are in this life together and we are “in it to win it.” This means that we each must take full responsibility for becoming the dedicated livers of life we were created to be. Forgiveness is the spiritual healing tool that effectively rinses away self-denial, rejection, sense of failure and the burden of guilt. It tightens our reasoning skills and dissolves our desire to punish ourselves in any way as we make our way through the growing-pains of life. And just in case you need a little extra something to spark this change of a lifetime. If you are willing to also accept that when you reinforce forgiveness with disclosure about your past and follow up with the willingness to let go and release. Your efforts produce permanent healing results, which come complete with fulfillment and joy. What more could we ask for!
Self-forgiveness is a real power move. It moves us from where we were, to where we are and on into the future with glorious potential and soul-satisfying outcomes. It provides us with the master key that frees us from the self-imprisonment we have sentenced ourselves too. The simple act of forgiveness lights up our souls, energizes our inner-being and moves us with the grace of an eagle and the wisdom of the divine spirit. With the application of “Forgiveness,” we can see, be, and become a part of the world without becoming infected by the negativity we encounter. We no longer fear mistakes because we become aware that they are an inevitable part of our growth and ultimate path to bigger, better, and best. We no longer fear change because we know that in order to be a part of God’s plan of evolution, we must go where we are being guided.
We learn to reflect rather than react. We become logical beings rather than frightened creatures who hide out within the darkness. We no longer just “see the light at the end of the tunnel,” we step into the light and allow it to serve as the tool we need to see what is, rather than what we want to see. We practice Self-Forgiveness daily so that we can easily “Forgive” others who trespass against us. We engage in the act of daily healing so that we can continuously inhale the beauty of life and exhale the ugliness created by those who remain trapped in the past, fearful of the present and oblivious of the future. We bow in humble submission to the will and ways of the divine spirit for our lives. We live in perfect harmony and dance to the beat of a different drummer. We cry when we need to, laugh spontaneously because we can, and jump for joy…just because. We appreciate the fact that whether consciously or subconsciously “active healing” releases proactive energies that surround our auras, that silently and powerfully communicate with the seen and unseen, forces around us. We say what we mean and mean what we say. We know and accept the fact that the gift of humanness comes complete with flaws that we cannot erase or circumvent, yet we strive to live righteous lives that reflect the power of the divine spirit’s presence working within us, for us, with us, and through us for the benefit of all humankind. We know, that we know, what we know and honestly admit that we still only know a fraction of what we will, one day, grow in wisdom to know.
Self-forgiveness is part of the daily maintenance we must conduct to keep us on the road to becoming and being our authentic selves which, in turn, maximizes our ability to grow from a place of authenticity. “Enjoying A Better You” is the byproduct of the depths of the effort you and I put into being and living the lives we were created to live. The self-forgiving person is not, as some claim, “selfish” and “self-centered.” It is the person who remains stuck in self-doubt and self-condemnation who lives the more selfish and less productive life.
One of the most powerful lessons I have learned is that the better I take care of myself, the more effective I will be. Therefore, forgiveness is one of the cornerstones of the foundation upon which I stand, build, and believe that all things are possible once I possess the depths of humanity that’s required to feel great about myself and good about others. I must continuously forgive myself for the mistakes I made yesterday, so that I can release it into the realm where it belongs…THE PAST. This empowering act enables me to “Mellow Into The Moment” and grow into tomorrow feeling refreshed and restored. Self-forgiveness keeps us from becoming and remaining stuck; it keeps us growing and moving. I firmly believe that in order to practice genuine self-forgiveness, we must accept full responsibility for who we are and what we do, accountability is a requirement, and perfection is not!
There is only one perfect God and the presence and power of that God…our spirit dwells within the core of our souls waiting patiently without harsh judgment, for the moment that we humbly surrender into its energizing and all-empowering guidance. From there, submitting to the naturalness of the power released once we return to and live by the sacredness of our creation, we become an all consuming lifestyle that produces peace, joy and prosperity in every area of our lives. The act of self-forgiveness transforms the energy within us into a nuclear explosion of light-producing nutrients that nourishes our souls in extraordinary ways. When the tears flow it provides us with the power we need to weather the storms of life.
Self-forgiveness connects us to the pureness of the divine presence within us and allows light, illuminating from within the core of our souls, to shine brightly in us and all around us without conflict or ulterior motives. Self-forgiveness is the calm…without the storm. It enables us to become one with the divine spirit, one with the universe, one with ourselves, and one with each other. And the very essence of both God and the universe is love and light, flowing with rhythm and super-charged with the power to create, procreate, and operate within the vastness of possibilities. Self-forgiveness provides not just a purposeful path, but also numerous portholes of opportunity to be our authentic selves and become infused with the depths of the conscious awareness that enables us to instinctually see, intrepidly hear, and intrinsically sense the totality of the power that makes us God’s greatest creations.
Becoming our authentic selves produces a wonderful state-of-being. We just are and appreciate the privilege of just being who we are, as we continue to evolve. Every day is a blessing; every breath is a privilege, and every encounter is filled with the realization that no-one is greater, just unique. And seeing the uniqueness provides us with the ability to see the awesomeness of our own uniquely different traits, experiences, opportunities, and potential. Self-forgiveness is one of the universal qualities that produce grace and mercy. It is the key that unblocks paths and unlocks doors that allows the genuineness of love’s light to flow and grow to the heights of infinity. The act of self-forgiveness and the process that we go through physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally educates us about the workings of our human physiology and psyche. We are also empowered with the ability to embrace others with compassion and true forgiveness. True forgiveness can only emerge and grow from a guiltless heart, that’s nourished by a fertile soul that produces self-acceptance in abundance.
You may be afraid to begin the process of forgiveness because you are both unclear about the process and uncertain about your ability to forgive yourself. But, forgiveness…whether it is of self or for others, it’s an automatic option that if chosen must be fully embraced, applied to our lives, and strengthened through daily acts of self-actualization. Plain and simple, in order for self-forgiveness to work, YOU MUST WORK IT. And the more you WORK IT, the stronger it will become.
Through the process of forgiveness we must choose to change a thought, belief, emotion, and action with respect for others and ourselves. Everything in the Universe is energy and forgiveness is a transforming energy that is powerful beyond comprehension. The acts of forgiveness or not forgiving are “free-will” choices. When we, or someone in our lives are not willing to forgive, the negative energy stored within possesses the ability to infect us and minimize our psychic, prophetic, telekinetic, and extrasensory senses. Our minds become bogged down, our spirits begin to sag and our physical personas lock the light inside of us, thus blocking its ability to shine through us and into the outer world around us. Forgiveness frees us from the entanglement of emotional turmoil and the grip of chronic confusion. It removes us from the self-destructive paths that others walk and shields us from the negative bullets and bombs they elect to fire in our direction.
It quiets the ramblings of a troubled mind that’s perpetually degraded by fear’s unmerciful dictates. Most people do not possess the level of conscious awareness that’s required to recognize that there are, unseen by the naked-eye, beams of spirit energy that exist between the divine spirit, everyone and everything. Your wellness is directly connected to the wellness of the world. Forgiveness allows us to silently and powerfully engage in spiritual tune-ups that awaken and energize our senses and perform emotional overhauls that rebuild our determination and resolve to not just “endure,” but overcome and succeed. Everyone and everything possesses the power to give to us, as well as receive from us. The caliber of energy we both share and receive is based on the status of our spiritual growth and conscious awareness.
The spirit energy within communicates with the aura that surrounds us. Our auras photographic memory and intuitive senses, once restored and revitalized, trigger our inherent instincts, déjà vu and, when necessary sounds the warning bells that immediately alert us when we are in danger. Allowing an unforgiving spirit to govern our connections with others, keeps us subconsciously connected to that person and imprisoned behind a wall of pain. As a result the pain, abuse and trauma remain constant companions who take from us and give little to nothing in return. This energy does not feed us what we need nor does it provide the nurturing we require. Forgiveness is a powerful choice that creates a potent potion that energetically provides life-enhancing outcomes for the humble giver and open-minded receiver. In short, “Forgiveness is not something that you can afford not to do.” We pay a huge price for hard-heartedness and disobedience to the natural flow of life and all it has to offer. Forgiving others is not difficult, “It is not practiced enough and is simply a matter of choosing to change our thoughts, beliefs and ideas about a given situation or person in our lives.”
When someone has wronged us and we are carrying around a lot of hurt and anger we need to forgive ourselves for the part we played in the drama, whether our actions were blatant or oblivious. And in the process, keep in mind that we don’t have control over whether or not our apologies are accepted. We are just responsible for exercising our compassion and being big enough to say three words that pack lots of power “I AM SORRY!!!” I understand that forgiveness means different things to different people, some feel forgiving means absolving someone of guilt for something they have done. Others, including myself, feel forgiveness does not mean that you’re saying that the person who hurt you is absolved of guilt. It means you realize that in order to move forward with your life you need to let go of the emotional attachment and pain so that you can grow forward.
Forgiveness is about getting ourselves to a place where we can release the negative emotions we have about someone or ourselves. This is essential to our well-being and productive for everyone involved. Until we are emotionally and spiritually mature enough to not allow our past experiences to gain access into the present moment, we are destined to live lives that are, at best, mediocre. There is great relief and soul-soothing resolve in forgiveness. And when our souls are at peace so too are our lives. When we truly forgive, in the future there is no emotional charge of anger, disappointment or bitterness towards others or ourselves for the past hurtful act, error or misdeed. It rolls off like water off a ducks back. If you get a high emotional charge when you think of the matter, you haven’t truly forgiven and need to seek the answer to why and work it out.
We all have things in our past for which we hold ourselves, and others accountable. Sometimes there is a good reason for feeling accountable, and other times we play the blame game, usually blaming and using condemnation as weapons of destruction against ourselves, others and even the world.
Often the people closest to us are the ones that hurt us most; yet because of our deep feelings for them we forgive them. If we weren’t connected to them we wouldn’t care as much or feel as deeply as we do. There can be no question that the amount of hurt we experience is directly related to the depth of our relationship with the person who has hurt us. The deeper our feelings for the person, the more experiences we have shared, the more intimate the relationship, the deeper the pain incurred from the offense. Still, we forgive them. But, there is one relationship that runs deeper than any other relationship in our lives, the relationship we have with the person we cannot escape, the person there is no separation from, the person who is closer to us than anyone will ever be…that person is “the self.” No matter what we do we cannot escape or hide from ourselves no matter how hard we try. And no-one knows the true self other than God and self. That’s right, no-one knows the true you, like you! The most intimate details of your life, your thoughts, motives, and emotions are constantly communicating with the spirit you.
The real you, the essence and aura of you that you may not even know yet. No-one knows every detail of your life, except you. Internally, we have a created desire toward self-preservation, an innate desire to not only survive, but to thrive in extraordinary ways.
But when we are sincere and willing to atone for our actions, we are divinely granted the ability to feel and experience a cleansing energy that washes away the pain, renews our faith, lightens our burdens and fills us with what we need to live each day, with a renewed sense of vitality.
The practice of non-forgiveness causes us to build a wall that separates our physical self from the awareness and totality of our inner-selves. When we deny ourselves the forgiveness we need, our external-being begins to block our energy flow and gradually causes us to disconnect from our spirit selves as well as our human emotions. Our subconscious tells us that this invisible to the naked eye inner-being has destroyed our plans, destroyed our dreams, and cannot be trusted. The longer and more frequently we engage in the practice of not forgiving ourselves, the deeper the separation from ourselves we experience. We grow distant from our spirit selves and our physical presence is thrown out of alignment with the totality of who we are.
Forgiveness of self is essential to remaining fully aware of our emotional status. We begin to trust our feelings again, and feel the sense of peace and fulfillment that accompanies forgiveness. The brain is a powerful organ, yet it can often be deceived to such an extreme that it leads us into a dark place. When we separate ourselves into two entities, the outward-being and inner-being, we’re enabling the brain to function as if we are two people. The better we become at forgiving ourselves and allowing our brain to accept that the inner and outer being are one, the greater our sense of conscious awareness becomes, we then gain the freedom to continue our journey as one complete being. As we show ourselves kindness, compassion, patience, love and forgiveness, we find that our recovery progress is greatly accelerated. Becoming harmonious within ourselves bringing forth great power! When we commit to self-forgiveness, the spiritual flow of our innate energy source opens up within us and permeates throughout every fiber of our being. We initiate a merger that cannot be broken, sold, or denied by others and ourselves. As a result the channel between our basic self and our higher self widens and permits the light of truth to guide us through the porthole that leads to extraordinary outcomes and exceptional relationships with others. Through that channel, we stand in the light and reconcile our belief with the truth of self.
In essence we align ourselves with the Divine Spirit and declare to the basic self that the limiting belief or separation no longer exists. And the battle within comes to an end. For example, we may forgive ourselves for believing we are unlovable. By so doing, we inform the basic self to align with our innate loving as an internal and transcendental source that is embedded in our depth. When we forgive ourselves the inner and outer selves act as one. The self-forgiveness tells the basic self to change and invites the higher-self to transform the limitation. This action communicates a change in our relationship to the unconditional love that is our natural existence.
Self-forgiveness changes how our consciousness is intertwined and strengthened as we continue to grow into the oneness of our complete selves, thereby allowing the transformational energy to be present within us, outside of us, and all around us. To get you off to a good start, here are some basic behaviors that will enable you to achieve and promote a lifetime of self-forgiveness:
Learn to let go of your past hurt and self-hostility. Work out your self-anger and learn to trust your inner goodness. Trust that the divine spirit that dwells within you will both guide and provide for you. Allow yourself to be vulnerable to growth and; take the risk of allowing yourself to grow without fear or doubt. Be open, honest and have assertive communications with yourself concerning the hurtful things that have happened in your life. All the misdeeds you’ve committed and all that have been committed against you can begin to work for you rather than against you.
In order to increase your ability to forgive yourself, you must first recognize what behaviors this involves, by asking yourself a series of questions:
Have you ever forgiven yourself? How did you feel the last time you forgave yourself? Have you ever brought up something from the past that reminded you of how you hurt yourself or others? How did you feel when you did that? How could you improve your ability to forgive? How has the absence of forgiving yourself affected your current emotional well-being and stability? In what way do you feel self-forgiveness is absent in your relationship with your family, significant others, spouse, children, parents, relatives, friends or co-workers? Do you experience a wall or barrier behind which you hide your past real or perceived failures, mistakes, errors or misdeeds? What beliefs block your ability to forgive yourself? What would it take for you to change these beliefs? What new behaviors do you need to develop, practice and maintain in order to increase your ability to forgive yourself? What role does the existence of spirituality play in your ability to forgive yourself? What do you need to forgive yourself? Now let’s work on a specific past failure, mistake, error or misdeed.
List a failure, mistake, error, misdeed or event for which you are unable to forgive yourself. How much energy, creativity, problem-solving capability and focus on growth are subtracted from you whenever you recall this past hurt? What feelings come to mind as you recall this past hurt? How would you describe your role in this past event? In what ways were you the victim, perpetrator, enabler, martyr, bystander, instigator, target, scapegoat, distracter, peacemaker, people pleaser or rescuer? Why do you feel so strongly about what happened? What did this event do to your self-esteem and feeling of self-worth? Who do you blame for your reaction to the incident? Are you willing to take some responsibility for what happened? What do you believe it will take for you to forgive yourself? How can you put this incident behind you? How can you avoid being so gravely impacted and/or hurt if something like this happens again?
Once you have thought through how to forgive yourself for this past mistake, failure, error or misdeed, use the following self-forgiveness mirror work-script to help you transform, heal and start “Enjoying A Better You.” Say to you “self…it’s time to let go of your self-anger, self-blaming, self-hatred, self-disgust and self-pity over this past transgression.” Tell yourself: “I forgive you for what you’ve done. You are a human being subject to making mistakes and errors. You do not need to be perfect in order for me to love you.” You don’t need to be so burdened by the pain and repetitively hurt by this experience. You are a good person. I love, honor and respect you. You deserve my understanding, compassion, kindness, love and forgiveness. You deserve to come from behind the wall you have built around yourself in an attempt to protect yourself, punish yourself and/or deny yourself. I love seeing you, talking to you and listening to you. You have within you all you need to grow in self-esteem, self-confidence, self-respect and self-deservedness. There is nothing you have ever done that cannot be forgiven by me. You did the best you could under the circumstances at that moment in time. You have compulsive and impulsive habitual ways of acting, which you are working towards changing. You may have made mistakes but as long as you get back on the road to full recovery and keep on trying, that’s good enough for me.
You no longer need to condemn yourself for these misdeeds, mistakes or errors. YOU’RE FORGIVEN! I love you and I am so happy to have you in my life. You and I are best friends and together we will gain strength by giving all our past hurt, pain, guilt, self-anger and self-hatred over to the divine spirit. I feel lighter as we talk because I feel the burden of the pain lifting from my shoulders. I can see you holding your head up and standing taller as I forgive you for all your past misdeeds. I know that God has forgiven you and I feel the peace and serenity of letting go of the need to hold on to the past anymore. I forgive you because you deserve to be forgiven. No-one needs to hold onto such a burden for so long. You deserve a better life than you have been giving yourself. Let go of the past and know that you are forgiven. You are a loveable, capable, special person who I promise to continue working with, to let go of whatever needs to be, and must remain in the past. Divine spirit I am ready to turn the wall over to you so that I can become more visible to others and myself while healing and growing to start, “Enjoying A Better Me.”
Repetitively perform the above healing and cleansing affirmation until it has become embedded deep within the core of your psyche. And once you have fully embraced the act of forgiving yourself for not being the “perfect” person you misguidedly thought you needed to be. Continue to boldly address life’s many lessons one-by-one and step-by-step. When you have exhausted your list of incidents, for which you need “Self-forgiveness,” you will find yourself walking the path called “Enjoying A Better You!”
Having a wound that is never allowed to heal only creates a pattern of self-destructive behaviors that are damaging to your life. Time doesn’t heal pain; it only allows you to store it deeper within the garden of your soul. Only facing it and facing it living in the truth heals pain! Stop the pain by taking the time to permanently heal all of your wounds. Forgive yourself, forgive others, and then “Mellow Into The Moment,” so that you can feel the true power of the present moment that comes complete with the gift of self-satisfaction through self-forgiveness. You deserve it!
Forgiveness isn’t an option, it’s mandatory if you desire Inner-Peace. When forgiving it doesn’t mean you absolve the guilty of guilt and wrongdoing, but you’re letting go of the offense so you can move on in a positive manner and grow forward. “Mellow Into The Moment” and forgive not for the offender but for you, your health and a peace-filled future.